G I R L

 It's been a very LOOONG time since I've posted, and my goal for the new year was to start blogging again and... I guess it's never too late to start right!? I'm really hoping to be better at keeping this little journal for my family. So lets shoot for once a week! Here it goes! Lot's of ramblings.

I'm not going to try to update on every life event since my last post, (which was well over a year ago I think), instead I will just start writing about where we are at now. We just found out that we are having another girl in October and we couldn't be more excited about it!

Look at that shy face! 

I don't consider myself an intuitive person, but this was one of those times when I just felt like we were having a girl. About a week after Micah was born, I was sitting in my rocking chair, nursing him to sleep, and I was thinking about our children, and how blessed I felt, and especially how happy I was knowing that Micah was our last. Now don't take that the wrong way, I love being a mother, but at the time, three seemed like all we were meant to have, and after pushing a baby out for over an hour, you especially don't want to think about going through child birth again. But again, we were done. But as I sat there nursing Micah and reflecting on all of this, I had this distinct thought come into my mind saying, "But, there's another little girl missing." and in reply to that voice I said, "No way. That's just my hormones, we are for sure done." And that was the way I felt for the next two and a half years.

 Deep down though, I knew there was one more missing, and every time having more kids would be brought up, Zach would automatically say "No more!" and then I would get this pit in my stomach, a guilty pit, like I knew we were supposed to have another one, but I didn't want to. So I kept ignoring it until I couldn't ignore the prompting anymore and we finally prayed about it and felt like it was the right time for us. I realized the reasons I didn't want to have another baby, while some were justified, other reasons were not. I didn't want to have to go through another baby stage, I didn't want to be pregnant again, buy more diapers, not sleep for a year or more straight, I didn't want to take the time to do it, but in the end I knew those reasons didn't make up for my lack of faith that heavenly father is in charge. Now I'm not saying everyone should have lots of children and if you only have a few you are being selfish. NOT AT ALL. Everyone has a different circumstance, and it is a decision between you and the lord, and so many factors play into that. This is just me blabbering down a journal so next year when I'm running on 1 hour of sleep, I can read this and remember why I'm a crazy sleep deprived mother of four 7 and under.

Now back to that night I was rocking Micah to sleep. I would be over the moon for any sweet child our loving heavenly father decided to send us, but having that prompting about a little girl missing, and then finding out we are, in fact, having a girl, is a reminder to me, that there is a loving father in heaven, and there really is a plan of happiness for our families. We are so grateful that Emma will have a sister to grow up with.. and she is too! The boys are getting a bunk bed and Emma has not been too happy about not getting to sleep in the "cool" room with the bunkbed..but now that she knows she gets to share a room with the baby she could care less about all that!
She asks me about taking care of the baby at least 10 times a day, and always says, "I'm going to help you right mommy? Because we are the girls, and I'm your best friend, right mommy!?"

Emma, I know you are going to be such a sweet big sister. Please remember to be patient, and share your toys and your clothes with her when you are both older. Always be best friends and take care of one another. Its going to be you two against the boys.